Dear Self

I've missed you.
You've traveled
miles away...
far away from me
only to return
emptihanded.

Why have you
allowed yourself
to be misguided?
Did you not hear me
when I called out your name
in the darkness?

Did you not
see me when I
opened the door
to let you
come home sooner?

Don't leave me
without bringing with you
all the things
that can help you
find me all over again...
so glad you're back.

-written by Amelia at home in solitude, empowered and stronger, ready for the next challenge

What's black and white and gray all over? My first week in radiology

I started my radiology rotation this week. I'm glad that I'm doing this rotation this early in the program. I spent about a month doing clinic with two ortho PAs and we've been looking at X-rays, MRI's and CT scans often. I'm OK with reading X-rays but those MRI's and CT Scans, they're all just black and white to me with a little bit of gray in certain places. I'm starting to realize how important it is to know the human anatomy because when they're on radiographs, they're just black and white if you don't know what you're looking at.

As far as feeling stupid, it hit me yesterday the hardest so far in the program. This is good though. It means that I need to push myself a little bit more. There are a lot of smart people in the Army and it feels like they're all in the hospital I'm doing my training at right now.

As far as my hours, yes, I'm still waking up at O dark hundred... about 0300 hours, do 30 minutes of snoozercise (you know, when the alarm goes off and you snooze it and go back to bed and it goes off again after 9 minutes, then do that over and over again), then around 0330 hours I do PT, upper body focus on M/W/F and lower body on Tue/Thu. Then do personal hygiene, drive to work, and park near the hospital (I would have to park further and ride the bus if I don't get there by 0500 hours). I go to my cubicle, check e-mail, do a little bit of research for my protocols on antibiotic beads, female athlete triad, smoking and stress fractures. I also do a little bit of admin because the Army is not the Army without all the required/mandatory training we have to do. Worse is that Joint Commission is coming to town and we have to watch our "p's and q's". Then around 0600 hours, I go to the DFAC (dining facility) to get a cup of coffee. Usually I go back upstairs for the 0630 morning report but now that I'm in my radiology rotation, I usually hang out at the library then either go to a morning radiology lecture or go to the dark "Bone" room where the radiographs are read by the radiologists. Then around 1630 hours (4pm), I drive home to take a 30 minute nap, then go back out to pick up the kids. Sometimes I cook and pack meals for me and the kids and we go to the local park right after I get them so I can wear them out. Then around 1900 hours (7pm), I put them in the bath and get them ready for bed but they tend to want to stay up with their papa. I study aroung 8pm then try to go to bed between 9 and 10 pm and do it all over again. All this and I haven't even started night and evening call yet... or even pulling call... that fun begins in January.

I asked the physician/radiologist today on why he went into radiology rather than all the other specialties. I always wondered this because before coming to this rotation, I would always pass by those radiology rooms and they're always dark and wonder why the radiologist like hanging out doing their work in those dark rooms. He said it interested him back when he was a third year med student. He said he was always a techy and he had a short attention span and did not want to have to follow up the patients. "Once I read the screen for that patient, I'm done." He's a great teacher but I can tell that he's done this for a long time. He scrolls through using that mouse so fast, I can't keep up. I have to periodically stop him to ask my stupid questions... especially those questions where I think there's an abnormality when it's just a normal finding. The first day I was there, it was after lunch and I was getting sleepy. He got up to tell me he'll be right back. He came back saying he had to get something to drink so that he wouldn't fall asleep. Haha!

There are other residents and radiologists in there too and they're pretty smart. They BS in between reading the radiographs. They also have to use these dictaphones so there are like 4 or 5 people talking all at the same time and it takes getting used to in focusing on a topic they're talking about because they're all different based on who you're listening to.

Yesterday one of the residents was talking about "psychometricians". He said the Army is hiring them so that they can tell who's guessing or who knows the answers based on their performance on the test. He said there could be someone who could get the answers right most of the time adn still fail or only get some questions right and still pass depending on which questions they answered right. Interesting.

Well, I'm glad I'm finally updating my blog because I have so much to document. I read my last post and I felt like deleting it because I was so negative that other people really don't care about what I write. I decided not to delete it because that is what I was feeling at the time. Now, I fell like telling everyone what I've been up to because I'm having such a great time.

Next Challenge Please

We're driving to out next duty station today. I wanted to mark this moment because it is the next transition to my next challenge which is to attend the DSc (Doctor of Science) in Orthopedics for Physician Assistants. I also wanted to reflect back to my previous accomplishments and I am in awe of myself on what I have accomplished. "It's not bragging if you've really done it". However, people may wonder why I subject myself to these grueling endeavors. I also wonder at that myself. The closest I know of explaining this is that I love to be challenged and the greatest challenge is to challenge myself. I do not do it to impress other people. In fact, I've learned that it is better not to let people know what I'm doing because there are actually people out there who don't want other people to succeed. I've learned that it's better for me to let people know what I've done rather than what I'm doing. So, then, why am I writing this on a public blog you may ask. Well, I've learned that not many people really care what I'm up to, this blog is mostly for me to document and read my reflections, my struggles and my experiences. I have so many plans for the future and it's fun to read my previous blogs to reexperience those moments. So, now that we're enroute to the next challenge, I will be in the process of doing yet another "to-do" list and my usual short/mid/long-term plans... to be continued.

Done with my PhD... now what?

So, here I am with actually time to do something aside from school work. I finally finished my doctorate and I've decided to write something on my blog just for old times sake. I will be attending the Orthopedic Physician Assistant program in Fort Sam Houston, TX around June and I have all this time to get ready by studying anatomy and physiology. I need to buckle down again and actually start doing this. Right now, I've mostly been spending my time on Facebook and doing a family tree for my dad's side of the family. My mom's family already has one. I opened an account on ancestry.com and have been updating periodically. I cannot believe how many unknown relatives I have. Part of me is motivated by the fact that I hardly saw many of my cousins growing up and I hope my children will not experience the same thing. I feel kind of tired right now... like a start of a viral infection. I will stop here and drink fluids... I will think of something better to write next time.

Dedicated to "Julia in the Philippines"

I decided to get on this blog to write something. I googled my screen name "pinayarmypa" out of curiosity to find out how many times it would show up. One of them was from one of my entries on a blog called "Julia in the Philippines" that I wrote while I was in Afghanistan on deployment. As I was reading the comments, I saw a friend's sister's name and she wrote a comment as if "Julia" has passed away which got me wondering what happened. I was saddened to learn that "Julia" died in the Philippines. So, after not writing on this blog for so many months now, I wanted to enter this latest blog to say how much I've enjoyed reading her blog while I was deployed because it made me think of the Philippines. It was interesting to read through her eyes many of the things I experienced when I lived there. It made me remember many memories of my happy childhood and how simpler it was back then. May you rest if peace, "Julia".

Almost Due...

I haven't posted anything on this blog in a while so I decided to take the time to make some comments. I even had to reset my password because I haven't been here in so long I forgot the previous one.

Anyway, here I am 8 days away from my due date for my pregnancy and my doctorate comprehensive examinations. I've been pretty busy writing, writing, writing, rewriting. There are times that I am very confident that I will pass and there are some times that self-doubt creeps in. All in all, however, I am doing pretty well considering all the other circumstances that are going on in my life.

It's 24 minutes past midnight and I better get some sleep. Being pregnant doesn't mean I don't have to go to work in the morning... although it would be nice. I will write more when I'm fully awake but I just wanted to make a few comments on this that I can look back on.

Pinay Army PA

Redeployed back home

I'm right now in San Antonio, Texas and it's been awhile since I've posted on this blog and I think the first time that I can actually put my location without getting in trouble. It's been 3 months since my redeployment from Afghanistan and the time has flown by. I'm now working in the emergency room and family practice clinic at my new duty station. I'm still working on my doctorate. I just finished 3 classes and it was very stressful because I was getting reaccustomed to being home with my family and doing homework on top of that along with starting a new work environment. Needless to say, I'm glad those classes are over. I have a two week break until I start my last two classes before comps and dissertation.

I'm elated that I'm back from deployment but a bit sad because now my husband is getting ready to go down range as well. It's so much easier being on the other end deploying because there is a mission to be done, now I can definitely relate to his frustrations of the spouse being left behind. I hope to make the best of it by taking care of the house, finishing my doctorate.... oh, and another great news... I'm pregnant so I will be busy gaining weight with a 2-year old daughter to keep me busy along the way. It is going to be a new set of different challenges that I'm looking forward to so that I don't miss my husband too much while he's gone.

I'm here in San Antonio for two weeks learning about emergency medicine. I am so glad I made it here because I'm learning so much and getting a lot of refresher training. I will definitely use the knowledge I learned here for my patients when I get back to my duty station. After this course, I will be going to Chicago for a colloquium (residential conference) for my doctorate. That will be hectic as well. I will have to talk to the corps chief here about my plans for my dissertation topic since I want to do it on soldiers and possibly on smoking cessation or medic training. I'm still not sure and I still have a lot of research and brainstorming to do.

This posting turned out to be more of just information than feelings but there is so much to write about. This is my first redeployment posting so I don't want it to be overwhelming.

Pinay Army Physician Assistant

It's a GIRL!

Today started just like any ordinary Afghan day until we received a message on the radio saying that there was a local Afghan woman who was having "complications" from her pregnancy. She delivered a baby boy yesterday. When she came in our aid station, I was told by the interpreter that there was another baby in her abdomen. Men are not supposed to see what was going on so the males were on the other side of the divider while the woman, her mother and I were on the other side. I pulled out the placenta from her previous delivery and when I inserted a finger in there, the other baby's placenta was not open so I had to cut it with a scalpel. When I opened it, I saw a foot poking out and I was sure that the baby was dead. I started pulling on it while I told the interpreter to tell the woman to push. Her mom was helping me hold her other leg. I kept pulling on the baby and as soon as I saw the head, it started to cry and I almost cried too because she was alive! I asked the medic to give me a bulb syringe to clear the baby's nose and mouth. The baby was beautiful! I immediately put her on her mother's chest but I think the mom was too tired because she was expressionless. I also felt a bit sad because the baby was a girl and maybe the mom wasn't too excited because it wasn't a boy.

We had donated clothes in our aid station and I dressed the baby to keep her warm and we put her under a bulb light. I worked to control the mom's bleeding and I hope that she will be alright. The health care system is not too good in this area and with the mom having twins, I hope the girl survives. I know the boy will be taken care of real well, but it saddens me to have to wish that the girl will be treated the same but I know she won't be. But, for a day in her life, her first day, she was our princess in the aid station.

I was thinking of my experience with my own pregnancy on how my circumstances were so different than the mother who laid on our make shift bed today. I remember my husband being there the whole time. Although my experience was painful, it was comfortable and I had no worries if my baby girl was going to survive. It puts life into perspective when I get experiences such as today to let me know how fortunate I am in life. This fortune is something to be shared with others which we tried to do today for this local Afghan family who unexpectedly showed up in our doorsteps and asked for our help. I feel blessed and proud of what we were able to do.

Well, now I have to go so I can continue to help clean up. Child birth is messy! :-)

Listen... Listen Closely...

Compounded by my current deployment, the silence and darkness of my environment and watching the movie "The Hours", I was moved to write this poem.

Death is here
It's all around you
It keeps calling
Calling out your name

Try to avoid it
Avoid it as much as you can
Ignore the whispers
As it draws
Draws closer to you

Once you start
Start to finally listen
It creeps in you
Creeps In your soul

Like a virus
Virus out of control
Did you let it in? "Suicide"
Or did it force itself? "Homicide"

Listen
Listen closely
As close as you can
Death is all around you.

Boo. "Happy" Halloween.

The Kite Runner

I'm still in Afghanistan and just finished reading "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini. I'm down south on a mission and I found this book in the room I'm staying in that another provider left behind for others to enjoy. I don't know if it's because I'm in this country and the book is about two boys who grow up in this country, but I could not put it down.

I finished reading it in one day. I started reading it early in the morning and couldn't sleep because I wanted to know what happened. I took two breaks, one to the latrine and the other to call my husband to let him know what a great book this is. OK, three. The third is to order it online as a gift to my husband's brother who I think will enjoy reading it as well since I was ordering gifts for his family anyway. Many of the passages reminded me of my experiences when I was younger. I highly recommend this book.

It's a coming of age book with the Afghan revolution as a background. You will not be disappointed. This is now one of my favorite novels.

Leo...Capricorn.... Leo...Capricorn...

My husband sent me this to "put on your blog", so here it is per his request. He's a Leo, and I'm a Capricorn and it's yet suprising to me again how accurate this is just like my previous posting about Capricorn (see previous comments). Now that I've read this, I can better appreciate my husband and his personality, and I hope he can do the same with mine. I'm glad he sent this to me! TACTMCYA

Love Compatibility of Capricorn with Leo
Leos love to give affection and gifts, especially at the beginning of a
relationship. The problem for you Capricorns is that Lions want
reciprocation and love in return, and those aren't things you're used to
giving. Leos have a hard time understanding that demonstrative affection
isn't in everyone's natures. Instead, they're more likely to take it
personally and sulk off into a corner to lick their wounds.

Business Compatibility of Capricorn with Leo
Leo makes a stimulating but challenging colleague. While you're both capable
of tremendous hard work, you have very different needs and expectations. The
Lion wants fame, while you're seeking a fortune. Leo loves glamour, but you
enjoy understated elegance. This sign spends lavishly, whereas you save
obsessively. If you can manage to negotiate these differences, the two of
you can build a profitable empire. You can find great success as land
developers, film producers, or talent agents. In the event you work with an
employer, Leo should work with the public, while you keep busy in the back
office. You're better suited to handling the finances, but it may serve you
well to spend a little extra money on creature comforts for the office, as
they will boost Leo's performance tremendously.

Love Compatibility of Leo with Capricorn
Capricorns are conservative and practical, and might be annoyed by your
playful ways. While Goats want to get ahead, Lions just want to be admired.
Your Capricorn can be condescending, and your relationship could end up with
more of a parent-child dynamic than a romantic one. But if you can learn the
virtues of hard work and responsibility - and start taking responsibility
for your own well-being - your Goat will be able to see you as a valuable
part of his or her life. They might just lighten up and start learning how
to have a little more fun, too.

Business Compatibility of Leo with Capricorn
Capricorns are conservative and practical and might be annoyed by your
playful ways. While Capricorn want to get ahead, Lions just want to be admired.
Your Capricorn colleague can be condescending, until they see just how
creative and charismatic you can be. What the Capricorn lacks in public relations
skills you possess in spades. Conversely, you can learn a great deal about
running a profitable business operation by following Capricorn's lead. The
two of you could find great success at a financial institution, real estate
company, or jewelry business. If you're working for an employer, let
Capricorn attend to the day-to-day operations, as well as the long-range
plans. You'll excel by presenting ideas to the public and meeting with
customers.

Finally Got a Break....Now, Back to Work, Soldier!

Well, now I am covering for one of the doctors who went on his mid-tour leave. I am in the South of Nowhere, Afghanistan; higher elevation compared to my other locations so it gets cold here especially at night. I just got back from leave myself and was able to see my family especially my babies (the big one--the husband, and the little one, the daughter). My daughter is doing so much more now, she is a lot of fun. When I left she was only 13 months old now she is 21 months old. I was also able to see my mom, my sister, her family, my husband's family, and a few friends. It was a nice break. We bought a hybrid vehicle and I was finally able to see our house. We finally got rid of our starter furniture and got a couple of dining room tables. So much to do, but so little time yet I'm thankful for the opportunity to see everyone even in such a small amount of time.

Now it's time to buckle down again and get some work done. I am still taking doctorate courses. My next classes will start in a couple of days and I just finished downloading the syllabi and other course materials. I was bold last quarter and took three classes and they were hard especially when I hardly had any time to do my work since I was on leave. The good thing is that I know how hard it was to take three classes, so now taking two classes at a time will seem like a breeze (yeah, right). I feel like I have to rush and do everything at once but I think I'm overdoing it. I just finished reading my last posting and I'm happy to say that everything worked out for the best. The masters courses I took from another school way back when I was still enlisted were accepted and I also got credit through my AARTS transcript, which is military. So, I'm ecstatic, to say the least. This basically alleviated all my fears about the school I'm taking classes with. I also went to my first colloquium in Dallas during my leave and now I finally feel like a doctorate learner but there are several things that I have to change on what I was doing before. I definitely have to pay more attention to the quality of my work. I also will concentrate on improving my writing. I'm a little nervous about the research class coming up but I know I will get through it. It's all part of the learning process. The Educational Theory class has a great textbook and I'm actually enjoying the chapters in it. My daughter is going to benefit from all this learning that I'm doing. Of which I will share with my husband so that we can both use it to teach her.

As far as my military mission right now, I'm getting some exposure to the local nationals and treating a few local patients. As always, I love the soldiers that are around me. The Joes go through a lot here and the chain of command seem to have a good handle on things. I just finished ordering a lot of medical supplies (we call it Class VIII), and one of the officers at my home base sent me the ordering list. I was going through it and it made me realize (quantitatively) how expensive some supplies are. I'm accustomed to be the one requesting the supplies through the supply channels without actually knowing the prices, but now that I've seen the costs, I will definitely be more cautious of what I ask for. I even thought about what my husband keeps telling me I should do when I finally become a civilian, own my own practice and hire doctors. I thought about the costs of it all but it is definitely something I will consider doing. It will be a challenge. I still have my eyes set on being a real estate investor though, maybe I can do both.

I've been reading up on Condoleeza Rice, our current Secretary of State. I've had this fascination with her ever since I saw her in Kabul at the Embassy during the opening ceremony. The presidents of the US and Afghanistan were there too along with Mrs. Bush. Anyway, ever since then, I thought what a job to aspire to do. She has a doctorate, she taught in Stanford, she plays the piano, she is a woman, she is a minority (African-American), articulate, poised, fashionable. So, I wrote in my diary that I aspire to take her job one day. If I can put it in my mind that it's attainable, then I know I can do it. It's become one of my motivations to finish my doctorate. I know I'm destined to do something to make a difference in this world, I'm just inching at it right now but it will come to me, even if it's to be the best stay home mom I can be while my husband divulges himself in politics. Whatever it is, it's going to be something extraordinary. I think I'm delirious from lack of sleep which may explain my grandiose statements but I was really thinking all of this today.

It is very late (or very early depending on if I say that it's Zulu or local time). I'm going to get some sleep and tackle more reading for my classes when I get up (whenever that is). This is going to be a hard quarter but I just wanted to post my latest comments since my last one wasn't too positive.
High Speed, Low Drag

Doctorate Courses: A Bump on the Road or Something Bigger?

I'm pursuing my PhD in Postsecondary and Adult Education and I'm taking three online courses right now. The courses are Critical Thinking, Future Topics and Trends, and Multidiversity. This is my second quarter in the school that I'm attending. My first two courses were Philosophy and Cultural Change. I've found my courses to be challenging and rewarding. My first two were my first online courses so it was difficult at first to navigate through the courses. In addition, I was tasked on a mission at a remote location of which I did not know the status of internet connectivity so I just turned in my work early towards the end. Luckily, the location did have connection which enabled me to finish my first two courses AND start on these new ones.

Pursuing a doctorate has been a lifelong dream for me and I've finally taken the steps in accomplishing this important goal. I had several choices in what school to matriculate with, and my decision came down to this school telling me that I would be getting 48 elective credits to start off with which is the maximum they would allow for any prospective student. Although this school was the most expensive out of all my choices, I calculated that it would be better in the long run since they would give me the most credits to start out with. One of my other alternatives was to just get another Masters in Adult Education but to me, it seemed to be just backtracking instead of moving ahead.

Now, I get an e-mail from the school's admissions office telling me that I am getting 24 credits instead of the 48 that I was told before I started taking classes. I was told that the admissions office made a mistake in calculating my previous work but will look into giving me more credit from another school that I took Masters courses with back in 1997. Needless to say, I'm angry and frustrated because I thought that I was so much closer to my degree and now this puts me behind 24 credits. I could understand if they were only a few credits off, but they were HALF of what I was told I would get. I am paying out of pocket for this degree and using my GI bill to cover all my expenses so I have a little bit more vested interest in how many credits I would be given.

I was upset for a while, and to be honest I still am because I was going full speed ahead with this school taking the maximum three classes and even made plans to go to my first colloquium (there are 3 residency requirements) during my R&R (rest and recuperation) leave. In the meantime, I will continue to forge ahead with my classes BUT I am also looking into using Tuition Assistance and get a Masters in Adult Education because at least that will be paid for by the military since there is a clause in the regulation that if it's an education degree that gives teaching credentials, it will not matter if I already have a masters. The only catch is that I will owe two years in the Army AFTER my LAST course. Which will not be a problem if I'm staying in until retirement.

I have a lot of things to think about, but for now, I have to work on my literature review for my Critical Thinking course that I've been procrastinating on for 3 days.

My intention is not to discourage anyone from pursuing their higher learning from this school, but I do advise you to make sure that they give you the final statement for however many electives they promised you BEFORE you start taking classes from them. Perhaps mine is just an isolated case of an honest mistake but I'm the one who has to suffer the consequences. I'm going to wait for their assessment of my other course work to see if they give me credit, and due to the sensitivity of this matter at this time, I will not divulge the name of the school. I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself based on the degree I'm pursuing, they use quarters instead of semesters and that they're online courses. So, please don't ask me.

-PhD learner, Postsecondary and Adult Education

Pinay Army PA Featured in Latest Article

I've been given another 15 minutes of fame when a Mobile Public Affairs team came to our location and interviewed me on my experience a couple of weeks ago. Here's the article in it's entirety with a few modifications for anonimity of the writer and mine. There was also a picture that came with it but my name on my uniform was showing. I hope this gives you a little taste of what I'm doing here.

Pinay Army PA goes down range
By Army 1st Sgt. David FXXXXX

XXXth Mobile Public Affairs Detachment


Middle, No Where -- On a small base in the Middle of Nowhere, physician assistant Army Capt. Pinay Army PA provides care for the soldiers here engaged in fighting extremists.

Just a few weeks ago, Pinay Army PA was providing care for service members at Camp XXX in . Now, she is treating soldiers wounded in battle at Forward Operating Base in the Middle of No Where.

Taking care of soldiers engaged in the fight is exactly what Pinay Army PA said she wanted when she requested to go down range. She treated 11 casualities after a fire-fight not long after she arrived.

"Everybody needs a taste of FOB XXXX,” she said. “The things you see here you will not see anywhere else."

But life on a forward operating base is not the same as in Kabul. The facilities on a FOB are primitive. There are some conveniences such as a gym and basketball court. However, the soldiers here don’t have many of the luxuries of other bases.

"What is here is what you get,” said Pinay Army PA. “If you don't like the chow you can't go to a different chow hall.”

Although working at Combined Forces Command - XXXX in XXXX was rewarding, getting to see first-hand what it is like on the front lines is something Pinay Army PA wanted to experience.

"You would not see this type of trauma anywhere else," she said.

The experience Pinay Army PA has gained at FOB XXXX has been rewarding, but something far more important has been established. A bond between warriors has been forged with the soldiers fighting here. Pinay Army PA has a deep respect for her fellow soldiers.

"This is the heart of the military -- the infantry guys here," she said.

Volunteering for assignment to a FOB has fulfilled a desire to make a difference for Pinay Army PA. That is the reason she entered the medical profession. And the reason she became a soldier.

"I am proud to be in the Army and I am proud to be here," she said.

Answers to www.blogthings.com

I found this website on a friend's site and decided to try it out myself. There is a list of different "Cool Things to Put In Your Blog" but these were the ones I want to post for fun.


I knew I had a Type-A personality but the questions on this website that determined your personality was still quite revealing. Are you a Type-A personality? Click on the link and find out.

Pinay Army PA Has A Type A Personality

You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood You tend to succeed at everything you attempt And if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top! You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun As long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interested You have the perfect personality for business and athletic success

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

I was surprised at the accuracy of this assessment from a website about what my birthday means. There are a lot of people who read their horoscope or astrological information on a daily basis and I'm not one of them but there are times, such as this time, that I have to wonder...hmmm... What about you: What does your birthday mean? Make a comment on my blog with your answer.

Pinay Army PA's Birthdate: January 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I'm a poet
And I didn't even know it
Well, actually, I did.

Pinay Army PA Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

I'm a future millionaire!!!

Pinay Army PA's Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 88%

It's almost certain you'll be a multimillionaire. Just keep doing what you're doing. You are good with money, a creative thinker, and an ethical person. You might be the next Donald Trump!

Will You Be a Multimillionaire?

Pinay Army PA is Likely A Forth Born

At your darkest moments, you feel angry. At work and school, you do best when you're analyzing. When you love someone, you tend to be very giving. In friendship, you don't take the initiative in reaching out. Your ideal jobs are: factory jobs, comedy, and dentistry. You will leave your mark on the world with your own personal philosophy.

The Birth Order Predictor

Now, this personality quiz, sometimes the choices I picked could change but this is my result for today.

Pinay Army PA Is An ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done. You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knittings. Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you. Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy. You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

What's Your Personality Type?

OK, I'm all blogged out for tonight (or this morning depending on what time zone you're at). This was fun, which is away from my usual serious blogs. I hope you enjoyed reading it and let me know how you did on your answers to the same or other "blogthings."

A Beautiful Day in XXXX

I just noticed what a beautiful day it is here in FOB XXXX. The sun is shining and although I've been trying for a week to get out of here to start on my R&R leave, I just had to make note that this place is kind of growing on me. Of course, this FOB (Forward Operating Base) is not as well-developed since it does not have the luxuries like the other FOBs (ie. Post Exchange, Coffee Bean, AAFES contracted stores, Afghan bazaars, post office, etc) since it's so small and close to the XXXX border where it's a prime target for all the bad guys. This location and the aesthetics of what's here is far from perfect or pleasing to the eye. I have to maneuver through a rocky terrain to get around and the edifices are the color of concrete.

What makes this place great are the people in it. This place does not have the same political aura as the other places I've been at so far. Of course, they still have to conform to the same regulations as the other places, but it's more laid back. The guys here are the ones who are out there in the front lines, getting shot at when they go out on missions, so when they come "home" to this FOB, they come to unwind and relax away from their missions. There is a small MWR room where some congregate to keep in touch with their loved ones by phone or internet. A majority stay in their rooms "to chill out", there are a few who are in the make shift gym and mess hall.

It's a quiet day today. No mortars firing, no casualties to mend, no specific mission to attend to. So, with all of the previous bad weather we've had, and the frustration of trying to leave here, I wanted to take the time to notice that even with all the circumstances that we're up against here, it's still a beautiful day.

POEM: "AGUA"

I wrote this poem after I heard Sofia on the phone saying "Agua"


"Agua", she said
I could hear her say
"Agua, Agua, Agua"
Water
Flowing
on my body

As I fight to stop the tears
From flowing
Shimmering
Ascending
To and Fro
Back and Forth

"Agua, Agua, Agua"
Water
Keeping me cool
In a hot
Afghan night

Caressing my waist
Touching my skin
It's all I have
Right now
To comfort me...
"Agua"

Poem for Sofia

You will have the best, my baby
Don't have to struggle the way we did, my little lady
Don't have to grow up meeting your daddy
Don't have to wonder who is your mommy

When you wake up the sun will shine brightly
You will arise with you beside me
I'll promise to hold you everyday tightly
You will have at all times what's called a family

And when you're in trouble you don't have to wonder
Who will be there for you, we'll be there together
As you grow up, getting bigger and bigger
You will have the love to make you tougher

When the time comes that you find a lover
The way you were reared, you will remember
The money nor fame will not matter
What's in your heart will be your power.

02 MAY 06 Salerno, Afghanistan
edited 15 JUL 06 Bermel, Afghanistan

POEM: Make Me Whole Again

Make Me Whole Again

Bits and pieces scattered in the wind
Every time I leave, I leave one in the end
Puzzles scrambled with a missing piece
I hold it in my heart on nights like these

I cherish it on moments when I think of you
Wishing you have one to remember me, too
Will you hold it close to remember me by
Hold it in your heart, try not to cry

When I return, we'll put them together
Hope not to be gone again, be whole forever
But for now I hold that piece in my heart
And look forward to a future when we no longer part.

POEM: Prisoner in My Mind

PRISONER IN MY MIND

One year is not supposed to be that long

Or is it?

Is this what it's like to be in prison

Or am I?

I did not commit a crime

Nor a single felony

But it feels just the same

I cannot escape this cage I am in

I cannot fly away even if I had wings

I see my daughter growing up in pictures

I can hear my husband's pain from a distance

I am not supposed to complain

Because this is what it takes

To be a soldier

But it hurts just the same.

21 APRIL Salerno, Afghanistan