It's a GIRL!

Today started just like any ordinary Afghan day until we received a message on the radio saying that there was a local Afghan woman who was having "complications" from her pregnancy. She delivered a baby boy yesterday. When she came in our aid station, I was told by the interpreter that there was another baby in her abdomen. Men are not supposed to see what was going on so the males were on the other side of the divider while the woman, her mother and I were on the other side. I pulled out the placenta from her previous delivery and when I inserted a finger in there, the other baby's placenta was not open so I had to cut it with a scalpel. When I opened it, I saw a foot poking out and I was sure that the baby was dead. I started pulling on it while I told the interpreter to tell the woman to push. Her mom was helping me hold her other leg. I kept pulling on the baby and as soon as I saw the head, it started to cry and I almost cried too because she was alive! I asked the medic to give me a bulb syringe to clear the baby's nose and mouth. The baby was beautiful! I immediately put her on her mother's chest but I think the mom was too tired because she was expressionless. I also felt a bit sad because the baby was a girl and maybe the mom wasn't too excited because it wasn't a boy.

We had donated clothes in our aid station and I dressed the baby to keep her warm and we put her under a bulb light. I worked to control the mom's bleeding and I hope that she will be alright. The health care system is not too good in this area and with the mom having twins, I hope the girl survives. I know the boy will be taken care of real well, but it saddens me to have to wish that the girl will be treated the same but I know she won't be. But, for a day in her life, her first day, she was our princess in the aid station.

I was thinking of my experience with my own pregnancy on how my circumstances were so different than the mother who laid on our make shift bed today. I remember my husband being there the whole time. Although my experience was painful, it was comfortable and I had no worries if my baby girl was going to survive. It puts life into perspective when I get experiences such as today to let me know how fortunate I am in life. This fortune is something to be shared with others which we tried to do today for this local Afghan family who unexpectedly showed up in our doorsteps and asked for our help. I feel blessed and proud of what we were able to do.

Well, now I have to go so I can continue to help clean up. Child birth is messy! :-)

Listen... Listen Closely...

Compounded by my current deployment, the silence and darkness of my environment and watching the movie "The Hours", I was moved to write this poem.

Death is here
It's all around you
It keeps calling
Calling out your name

Try to avoid it
Avoid it as much as you can
Ignore the whispers
As it draws
Draws closer to you

Once you start
Start to finally listen
It creeps in you
Creeps In your soul

Like a virus
Virus out of control
Did you let it in? "Suicide"
Or did it force itself? "Homicide"

Listen
Listen closely
As close as you can
Death is all around you.

Boo. "Happy" Halloween.

The Kite Runner

I'm still in Afghanistan and just finished reading "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini. I'm down south on a mission and I found this book in the room I'm staying in that another provider left behind for others to enjoy. I don't know if it's because I'm in this country and the book is about two boys who grow up in this country, but I could not put it down.

I finished reading it in one day. I started reading it early in the morning and couldn't sleep because I wanted to know what happened. I took two breaks, one to the latrine and the other to call my husband to let him know what a great book this is. OK, three. The third is to order it online as a gift to my husband's brother who I think will enjoy reading it as well since I was ordering gifts for his family anyway. Many of the passages reminded me of my experiences when I was younger. I highly recommend this book.

It's a coming of age book with the Afghan revolution as a background. You will not be disappointed. This is now one of my favorite novels.

Leo...Capricorn.... Leo...Capricorn...

My husband sent me this to "put on your blog", so here it is per his request. He's a Leo, and I'm a Capricorn and it's yet suprising to me again how accurate this is just like my previous posting about Capricorn (see previous comments). Now that I've read this, I can better appreciate my husband and his personality, and I hope he can do the same with mine. I'm glad he sent this to me! TACTMCYA

Love Compatibility of Capricorn with Leo
Leos love to give affection and gifts, especially at the beginning of a
relationship. The problem for you Capricorns is that Lions want
reciprocation and love in return, and those aren't things you're used to
giving. Leos have a hard time understanding that demonstrative affection
isn't in everyone's natures. Instead, they're more likely to take it
personally and sulk off into a corner to lick their wounds.

Business Compatibility of Capricorn with Leo
Leo makes a stimulating but challenging colleague. While you're both capable
of tremendous hard work, you have very different needs and expectations. The
Lion wants fame, while you're seeking a fortune. Leo loves glamour, but you
enjoy understated elegance. This sign spends lavishly, whereas you save
obsessively. If you can manage to negotiate these differences, the two of
you can build a profitable empire. You can find great success as land
developers, film producers, or talent agents. In the event you work with an
employer, Leo should work with the public, while you keep busy in the back
office. You're better suited to handling the finances, but it may serve you
well to spend a little extra money on creature comforts for the office, as
they will boost Leo's performance tremendously.

Love Compatibility of Leo with Capricorn
Capricorns are conservative and practical, and might be annoyed by your
playful ways. While Goats want to get ahead, Lions just want to be admired.
Your Capricorn can be condescending, and your relationship could end up with
more of a parent-child dynamic than a romantic one. But if you can learn the
virtues of hard work and responsibility - and start taking responsibility
for your own well-being - your Goat will be able to see you as a valuable
part of his or her life. They might just lighten up and start learning how
to have a little more fun, too.

Business Compatibility of Leo with Capricorn
Capricorns are conservative and practical and might be annoyed by your
playful ways. While Capricorn want to get ahead, Lions just want to be admired.
Your Capricorn colleague can be condescending, until they see just how
creative and charismatic you can be. What the Capricorn lacks in public relations
skills you possess in spades. Conversely, you can learn a great deal about
running a profitable business operation by following Capricorn's lead. The
two of you could find great success at a financial institution, real estate
company, or jewelry business. If you're working for an employer, let
Capricorn attend to the day-to-day operations, as well as the long-range
plans. You'll excel by presenting ideas to the public and meeting with
customers.

Finally Got a Break....Now, Back to Work, Soldier!

Well, now I am covering for one of the doctors who went on his mid-tour leave. I am in the South of Nowhere, Afghanistan; higher elevation compared to my other locations so it gets cold here especially at night. I just got back from leave myself and was able to see my family especially my babies (the big one--the husband, and the little one, the daughter). My daughter is doing so much more now, she is a lot of fun. When I left she was only 13 months old now she is 21 months old. I was also able to see my mom, my sister, her family, my husband's family, and a few friends. It was a nice break. We bought a hybrid vehicle and I was finally able to see our house. We finally got rid of our starter furniture and got a couple of dining room tables. So much to do, but so little time yet I'm thankful for the opportunity to see everyone even in such a small amount of time.

Now it's time to buckle down again and get some work done. I am still taking doctorate courses. My next classes will start in a couple of days and I just finished downloading the syllabi and other course materials. I was bold last quarter and took three classes and they were hard especially when I hardly had any time to do my work since I was on leave. The good thing is that I know how hard it was to take three classes, so now taking two classes at a time will seem like a breeze (yeah, right). I feel like I have to rush and do everything at once but I think I'm overdoing it. I just finished reading my last posting and I'm happy to say that everything worked out for the best. The masters courses I took from another school way back when I was still enlisted were accepted and I also got credit through my AARTS transcript, which is military. So, I'm ecstatic, to say the least. This basically alleviated all my fears about the school I'm taking classes with. I also went to my first colloquium in Dallas during my leave and now I finally feel like a doctorate learner but there are several things that I have to change on what I was doing before. I definitely have to pay more attention to the quality of my work. I also will concentrate on improving my writing. I'm a little nervous about the research class coming up but I know I will get through it. It's all part of the learning process. The Educational Theory class has a great textbook and I'm actually enjoying the chapters in it. My daughter is going to benefit from all this learning that I'm doing. Of which I will share with my husband so that we can both use it to teach her.

As far as my military mission right now, I'm getting some exposure to the local nationals and treating a few local patients. As always, I love the soldiers that are around me. The Joes go through a lot here and the chain of command seem to have a good handle on things. I just finished ordering a lot of medical supplies (we call it Class VIII), and one of the officers at my home base sent me the ordering list. I was going through it and it made me realize (quantitatively) how expensive some supplies are. I'm accustomed to be the one requesting the supplies through the supply channels without actually knowing the prices, but now that I've seen the costs, I will definitely be more cautious of what I ask for. I even thought about what my husband keeps telling me I should do when I finally become a civilian, own my own practice and hire doctors. I thought about the costs of it all but it is definitely something I will consider doing. It will be a challenge. I still have my eyes set on being a real estate investor though, maybe I can do both.

I've been reading up on Condoleeza Rice, our current Secretary of State. I've had this fascination with her ever since I saw her in Kabul at the Embassy during the opening ceremony. The presidents of the US and Afghanistan were there too along with Mrs. Bush. Anyway, ever since then, I thought what a job to aspire to do. She has a doctorate, she taught in Stanford, she plays the piano, she is a woman, she is a minority (African-American), articulate, poised, fashionable. So, I wrote in my diary that I aspire to take her job one day. If I can put it in my mind that it's attainable, then I know I can do it. It's become one of my motivations to finish my doctorate. I know I'm destined to do something to make a difference in this world, I'm just inching at it right now but it will come to me, even if it's to be the best stay home mom I can be while my husband divulges himself in politics. Whatever it is, it's going to be something extraordinary. I think I'm delirious from lack of sleep which may explain my grandiose statements but I was really thinking all of this today.

It is very late (or very early depending on if I say that it's Zulu or local time). I'm going to get some sleep and tackle more reading for my classes when I get up (whenever that is). This is going to be a hard quarter but I just wanted to post my latest comments since my last one wasn't too positive.
High Speed, Low Drag

Doctorate Courses: A Bump on the Road or Something Bigger?

I'm pursuing my PhD in Postsecondary and Adult Education and I'm taking three online courses right now. The courses are Critical Thinking, Future Topics and Trends, and Multidiversity. This is my second quarter in the school that I'm attending. My first two courses were Philosophy and Cultural Change. I've found my courses to be challenging and rewarding. My first two were my first online courses so it was difficult at first to navigate through the courses. In addition, I was tasked on a mission at a remote location of which I did not know the status of internet connectivity so I just turned in my work early towards the end. Luckily, the location did have connection which enabled me to finish my first two courses AND start on these new ones.

Pursuing a doctorate has been a lifelong dream for me and I've finally taken the steps in accomplishing this important goal. I had several choices in what school to matriculate with, and my decision came down to this school telling me that I would be getting 48 elective credits to start off with which is the maximum they would allow for any prospective student. Although this school was the most expensive out of all my choices, I calculated that it would be better in the long run since they would give me the most credits to start out with. One of my other alternatives was to just get another Masters in Adult Education but to me, it seemed to be just backtracking instead of moving ahead.

Now, I get an e-mail from the school's admissions office telling me that I am getting 24 credits instead of the 48 that I was told before I started taking classes. I was told that the admissions office made a mistake in calculating my previous work but will look into giving me more credit from another school that I took Masters courses with back in 1997. Needless to say, I'm angry and frustrated because I thought that I was so much closer to my degree and now this puts me behind 24 credits. I could understand if they were only a few credits off, but they were HALF of what I was told I would get. I am paying out of pocket for this degree and using my GI bill to cover all my expenses so I have a little bit more vested interest in how many credits I would be given.

I was upset for a while, and to be honest I still am because I was going full speed ahead with this school taking the maximum three classes and even made plans to go to my first colloquium (there are 3 residency requirements) during my R&R (rest and recuperation) leave. In the meantime, I will continue to forge ahead with my classes BUT I am also looking into using Tuition Assistance and get a Masters in Adult Education because at least that will be paid for by the military since there is a clause in the regulation that if it's an education degree that gives teaching credentials, it will not matter if I already have a masters. The only catch is that I will owe two years in the Army AFTER my LAST course. Which will not be a problem if I'm staying in until retirement.

I have a lot of things to think about, but for now, I have to work on my literature review for my Critical Thinking course that I've been procrastinating on for 3 days.

My intention is not to discourage anyone from pursuing their higher learning from this school, but I do advise you to make sure that they give you the final statement for however many electives they promised you BEFORE you start taking classes from them. Perhaps mine is just an isolated case of an honest mistake but I'm the one who has to suffer the consequences. I'm going to wait for their assessment of my other course work to see if they give me credit, and due to the sensitivity of this matter at this time, I will not divulge the name of the school. I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself based on the degree I'm pursuing, they use quarters instead of semesters and that they're online courses. So, please don't ask me.

-PhD learner, Postsecondary and Adult Education

Pinay Army PA Featured in Latest Article

I've been given another 15 minutes of fame when a Mobile Public Affairs team came to our location and interviewed me on my experience a couple of weeks ago. Here's the article in it's entirety with a few modifications for anonimity of the writer and mine. There was also a picture that came with it but my name on my uniform was showing. I hope this gives you a little taste of what I'm doing here.

Pinay Army PA goes down range
By Army 1st Sgt. David FXXXXX

XXXth Mobile Public Affairs Detachment


Middle, No Where -- On a small base in the Middle of Nowhere, physician assistant Army Capt. Pinay Army PA provides care for the soldiers here engaged in fighting extremists.

Just a few weeks ago, Pinay Army PA was providing care for service members at Camp XXX in . Now, she is treating soldiers wounded in battle at Forward Operating Base in the Middle of No Where.

Taking care of soldiers engaged in the fight is exactly what Pinay Army PA said she wanted when she requested to go down range. She treated 11 casualities after a fire-fight not long after she arrived.

"Everybody needs a taste of FOB XXXX,” she said. “The things you see here you will not see anywhere else."

But life on a forward operating base is not the same as in Kabul. The facilities on a FOB are primitive. There are some conveniences such as a gym and basketball court. However, the soldiers here don’t have many of the luxuries of other bases.

"What is here is what you get,” said Pinay Army PA. “If you don't like the chow you can't go to a different chow hall.”

Although working at Combined Forces Command - XXXX in XXXX was rewarding, getting to see first-hand what it is like on the front lines is something Pinay Army PA wanted to experience.

"You would not see this type of trauma anywhere else," she said.

The experience Pinay Army PA has gained at FOB XXXX has been rewarding, but something far more important has been established. A bond between warriors has been forged with the soldiers fighting here. Pinay Army PA has a deep respect for her fellow soldiers.

"This is the heart of the military -- the infantry guys here," she said.

Volunteering for assignment to a FOB has fulfilled a desire to make a difference for Pinay Army PA. That is the reason she entered the medical profession. And the reason she became a soldier.

"I am proud to be in the Army and I am proud to be here," she said.

Answers to www.blogthings.com

I found this website on a friend's site and decided to try it out myself. There is a list of different "Cool Things to Put In Your Blog" but these were the ones I want to post for fun.


I knew I had a Type-A personality but the questions on this website that determined your personality was still quite revealing. Are you a Type-A personality? Click on the link and find out.

Pinay Army PA Has A Type A Personality

You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood You tend to succeed at everything you attempt And if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top! You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun As long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interested You have the perfect personality for business and athletic success

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

I was surprised at the accuracy of this assessment from a website about what my birthday means. There are a lot of people who read their horoscope or astrological information on a daily basis and I'm not one of them but there are times, such as this time, that I have to wonder...hmmm... What about you: What does your birthday mean? Make a comment on my blog with your answer.

Pinay Army PA's Birthdate: January 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I'm a poet
And I didn't even know it
Well, actually, I did.

Pinay Army PA Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

I'm a future millionaire!!!

Pinay Army PA's Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 88%

It's almost certain you'll be a multimillionaire. Just keep doing what you're doing. You are good with money, a creative thinker, and an ethical person. You might be the next Donald Trump!

Will You Be a Multimillionaire?

Pinay Army PA is Likely A Forth Born

At your darkest moments, you feel angry. At work and school, you do best when you're analyzing. When you love someone, you tend to be very giving. In friendship, you don't take the initiative in reaching out. Your ideal jobs are: factory jobs, comedy, and dentistry. You will leave your mark on the world with your own personal philosophy.

The Birth Order Predictor

Now, this personality quiz, sometimes the choices I picked could change but this is my result for today.

Pinay Army PA Is An ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done. You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knittings. Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you. Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy. You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

What's Your Personality Type?

OK, I'm all blogged out for tonight (or this morning depending on what time zone you're at). This was fun, which is away from my usual serious blogs. I hope you enjoyed reading it and let me know how you did on your answers to the same or other "blogthings."

A Beautiful Day in XXXX

I just noticed what a beautiful day it is here in FOB XXXX. The sun is shining and although I've been trying for a week to get out of here to start on my R&R leave, I just had to make note that this place is kind of growing on me. Of course, this FOB (Forward Operating Base) is not as well-developed since it does not have the luxuries like the other FOBs (ie. Post Exchange, Coffee Bean, AAFES contracted stores, Afghan bazaars, post office, etc) since it's so small and close to the XXXX border where it's a prime target for all the bad guys. This location and the aesthetics of what's here is far from perfect or pleasing to the eye. I have to maneuver through a rocky terrain to get around and the edifices are the color of concrete.

What makes this place great are the people in it. This place does not have the same political aura as the other places I've been at so far. Of course, they still have to conform to the same regulations as the other places, but it's more laid back. The guys here are the ones who are out there in the front lines, getting shot at when they go out on missions, so when they come "home" to this FOB, they come to unwind and relax away from their missions. There is a small MWR room where some congregate to keep in touch with their loved ones by phone or internet. A majority stay in their rooms "to chill out", there are a few who are in the make shift gym and mess hall.

It's a quiet day today. No mortars firing, no casualties to mend, no specific mission to attend to. So, with all of the previous bad weather we've had, and the frustration of trying to leave here, I wanted to take the time to notice that even with all the circumstances that we're up against here, it's still a beautiful day.

POEM: "AGUA"

I wrote this poem after I heard Sofia on the phone saying "Agua"


"Agua", she said
I could hear her say
"Agua, Agua, Agua"
Water
Flowing
on my body

As I fight to stop the tears
From flowing
Shimmering
Ascending
To and Fro
Back and Forth

"Agua, Agua, Agua"
Water
Keeping me cool
In a hot
Afghan night

Caressing my waist
Touching my skin
It's all I have
Right now
To comfort me...
"Agua"

Poem for Sofia

You will have the best, my baby
Don't have to struggle the way we did, my little lady
Don't have to grow up meeting your daddy
Don't have to wonder who is your mommy

When you wake up the sun will shine brightly
You will arise with you beside me
I'll promise to hold you everyday tightly
You will have at all times what's called a family

And when you're in trouble you don't have to wonder
Who will be there for you, we'll be there together
As you grow up, getting bigger and bigger
You will have the love to make you tougher

When the time comes that you find a lover
The way you were reared, you will remember
The money nor fame will not matter
What's in your heart will be your power.

02 MAY 06 Salerno, Afghanistan
edited 15 JUL 06 Bermel, Afghanistan

POEM: Make Me Whole Again

Make Me Whole Again

Bits and pieces scattered in the wind
Every time I leave, I leave one in the end
Puzzles scrambled with a missing piece
I hold it in my heart on nights like these

I cherish it on moments when I think of you
Wishing you have one to remember me, too
Will you hold it close to remember me by
Hold it in your heart, try not to cry

When I return, we'll put them together
Hope not to be gone again, be whole forever
But for now I hold that piece in my heart
And look forward to a future when we no longer part.

POEM: Prisoner in My Mind

PRISONER IN MY MIND

One year is not supposed to be that long

Or is it?

Is this what it's like to be in prison

Or am I?

I did not commit a crime

Nor a single felony

But it feels just the same

I cannot escape this cage I am in

I cannot fly away even if I had wings

I see my daughter growing up in pictures

I can hear my husband's pain from a distance

I am not supposed to complain

Because this is what it takes

To be a soldier

But it hurts just the same.

21 APRIL Salerno, Afghanistan

Today's Not Just Any Other Day...

July 7: For some, this is just another day. For me, however, this is my BASD (Basic Active Service Date). This basically marks the day I left for Basic Training way back in 1992 when I was only 17 years old. I've been in 14 years in the Army and I still can't believe how fast time has flown by. I've done so much since I've been in and I'm very fortunate for the accomplishments I've achieved during my service in the military. The first 10 years were a breeze, the years thereafter have been difficult especially with the OPTEMPO of deployments. I don't really want to write much right now since it's late here but I just wanted to mark this day, because... TODAY'S NOT JUST ANY OTHER DAY.

Footnote: It's 08 JULY in Afghanistan, but I wrote this at 07 JULY 2300Z

Another 4th of July Spent Deployed

It's yet another 4th of July, Independence Day, that I'm spending while in another country. I've spent the same holiday three years ago in Baghdad, Iraq. What are my thoughts and feelings about this holiday that is usually celebrated by many Americans with a 4-day weekend, barbeque and fireworks? Well, where I am at, it's just like any other day. I'm the only female "imbedded" with a company of infantry soldiers as their current medical provider. For them, it's mission as usual. No fireworks will be heard unless you count controlled detonations and mortars firing overhead. (If you count those, then everyday is Independence Day). In fact, this holiday is one of the most dangerous for them because the enemy knows our holidays and they specifically attack during American holidays. It's a quiet atmosphere in the aid station where I am at right now but when we do get casualties, they're pretty serious so I just hope that today will not be one of those days.

During this Independence Day, I want to take the time to recognize the sacrifice these outstanding young men are doing, who go out there to "greet" the enemy day in and day out, and on this celebrated day are not in their backyards listening to music, eating a hotdog, sipping on a cold soda while they play with their children. They are out here forging a war on terrorism unbeknownst to those who are celebrating this day with their family and friends.

On a less serious note, we had two soldiers who went to Bagram to get their citizenships. Every year on this day, there is a mass participation of "alien" soldiers who finally become citizens of a country of which they are sacrificing their lives for. It's a proud day for them because they can now say that they are Americans. I, too, earned my citizenship during my military service. I can remember it very well. It was actually in Puerto Rico, at my first duty station. There was a lot of paperwork and criterias that had to be met. I also had to study for a test then show up while somebody asked me questions (When I asked my "American" friends, most of them didn't even know the answers). So, I can just imagine what these soldiers must be feeling now as they achieve this important milestone.

It's a proud day for me to be wearing my uniform. People may agree or disagree about us being here, but we are here and many of us are your brothers, sisters, cousins, mothers, fathers, etc., and we thank you for your support.

Happy Independence Day!

Pinay Army PA
FOB in the Middle of Nowhere, Afghanistan
July 4, 2006

My First Blog

This is my first time making a blog. I don't know what to put down so I will just put what comes to my mind. As I proceed to put my thoughts in My Own Cyberspace World, I wonder who will be reading it. Although they are my private thoughts as I sit in a desolate place in the real world, my thoughts become public in this new venture.

I'm a career soldier and as I think back of the years I've been in, I do so with good memories. I've made mistakes, things that I wish I shouldn't have said and done, but I've learned from them one way or another.

I'm an avid writer and sometimes I even surprise myself of the things I've written for school assignments as well as my letters to my loved ones. I don't know where I got this gift but it's been something that has helped throughout the years. I reckon it's mainly because I'm quiet in the "real world" and I hardly state my opinions openly and so it's been a venue for me to put it down on paper.

I'm a full time learner, mainly of the arts, music, athletics, technology, philosophy, etc. I enjoy traveling to other countries seeing a glimps of how other cultures live. I'm from the Philippines (Pampanga and Manila) and still speak the dialects of my homeland. I moved to the United States at a young age but I've kept myself connected with my culture. I've traveled the Carribean, part of the US, and I've lived in Germany where I've been able to visit several other countries. A favorite is Spain where the people are always friendly, the food is always good and affordable, and the weather is always nice and sunny.

I'm a wife and a mother, and I didn't know how it would feel to be away from my child the way my mother was from me when I was a child but now I have a better understanding. As she learns new words, new skills, new expressions, and keeps growing, I watch in pictures and home videos with delight only to wish that I could be there to do it physically. I yearn for the time I will spend with my family while I focus on my mission.

Right now, however, I sit here in front of a computer, making plans for the future but I'm confined in a small forward operating base because I'm deployed. I've been writing all the things I want to do once I leave, all the things I want to change, all the goals I want to accomplish. Yet, it feels like I'm at a halt. I cannot make any of these changes. So, I sit, and I type, and I learn that I can only control what is in front of me because what's behind is the past and what's ahead is still unreachable.

My Own Cyberspace World will help me in expressing my thoughts, my views and my sorrow as I try to survive yet another year away from home. I don't know who will come along for the journey but it will be new, different and revealing.